I found out that I pick horrible men. Interrogated at the reasons to why I chose this man. I found out a man cheated and never told me.
He told his ex though. His reasoning was that he wanted to protect me and punish her so she would leave his life.
Yet, he still flirted with her and talked to her. He commented on a picture she sent him by complimenting how her beautiful eyes compliment his dark skin tone.
It was odd. I have been heartbroken before. Countless times. I have tried to not let my hurt blame myself. I tried hard. I did everything in my power to be true to him and myself. I did not get oral from another person three days before he came to see me. Nor did I not be honest. He felt hurt thinking I may be cheating when all along, he was insecure because he has already cheated. Emotionally and physically.
I missed him. I will be truthful. It is painful to tell a man that you have been hurt before and to ask him to be true to you. Then for him to finally let me gain my trust and love and then this bombshell… It destroyed me.
It also made me realize what a shit person he was. Because he never apologized for getting a blowjob from someone else and not being safe with me. He risked my health and didn’t care for my hurt feelings.
I am broken. Because of him, he cracked my fundamentals and confidence till my core held a crack.
And now I need to fix myself up again.
Brokenness. How do you fix yourself when your core has been shaken?