frustrations don’t come easy

Struggles are not something people like writing about. But it has to be said. 

I wish I was a spectacular volunteer that solved all of my village’s problems and was easily and efficiently doing and making strides that were not possible before my arrival. 

Every choice I make has a snowball effect consequence(s). Every program is not something that will last. It is a win for now. It is a high and incredibly exciting to be busy but then it ends and all you helped is local and static and done. 

My girls club ended the last month. Three of my girls still got married or are in the process of getting set up. Two of them skips school to help harvest for their parents. And some of the parents don’t like the little girls learning from the Amercan without older students to buffer. 

My Neighborhood health committee nearest to my clinic was forced to dissolve. My clinic staff was forcing people out and trying to get new people elected. Except there is no one who enjoys or even wants to do the volunteer work. Why volunteer for no money? Why be hungry and miss lunch to tally and weigh the babies of mothers who walked since five to the clinic for their children? People especially from the committee has seen me working a lot with Violet and now comes up to me faking interest and asking for books and saying they’d be coming around to pick them up so I would choose them to accompany me to a workshop and be reimbursed greatly by Peace Corps. 

My mothers are all I work for.  My clinic staff do not care. Especially about education. No one cares about working for the benefit of all except for Violet. Except that even she has a family and gets into gossip and fights with reluctant staff. I am lost most days. Feeling like an ultimate failure. 

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