Self-care is not about face masks or spa treatments. or posting new nails on your Instagram and seeing more than 11 likes when you are really dying inside.
It is not about pretending to post happy subjects or moments when you are finally out the house to Facebook when inside you are still thinking about painful sore subjects in your heart.
Self-care is actual growth. It is admitting to your followers that they are not going to get photos of happiness but growth. It is admitting to your content that the time break involved giving up a few things and planting new ideas.
Stop feeling ashamed of past failures
Whenever you feel the embarrassment or pain related to an issue, you have to get over the idea that you have to overcome this pain. That is bullshit. Overcoming pain is the end goal and the prettiest way to tell followers how strong you are. But strength comes from actually tackling that shame you feel. ENDURE it. Why do you still feel embarrassed by your mistakes? Did you take responsibility for your actions? Then why do you continue to pity yourself for that pain? Are you making changes in your life to be better? Then relive those moments with your better self and make better choices when replaying those painful memories. If they don’t answer to the better self you have become, then you know you have changed as you don’t know how in reality they would react. But I believe if you can replay these moments and the subject’s reply in a kind way, you are looking for reassurance. And that is also okay. people hurt us, and sometimes we try to be better for people who don’t care about changing for us. We then want to seek them out to show them how much we have done. But that doesn’t benefit your growth in the long term.
Don’t make excuses instead of real-time decisions
A lot of people fail in the long term because of excuses they make. A lot of relationships fail because of these excuses. This does not relate to your career only. Understand when you make excuses for other people and not take any action, the relationship would fail.
People’s opinions of you do not matter and you need to start believing this sooner rather than later
Sometimes we forget this. I do. We forget this so many times in our lives. When we make mistakes, we may care when we want people to notice we have changed. However, people notice without you trying. You have to do what is best for you. Even if it is walking away from hard situations. You have to choose yourself. Your point of view matters more than anyone else. How you take care of yourself matters more. Take care of yourself when you are sad and then tell your loved one and your friends. Take care of yourself with healthy methods and then tell your friends as a summary rather than expecting them to fix the situation. If they wish to add or tell you their input or fix, they are adding to what you have already done.
Are you running from problems?
Stop running. If you feel it is too hurtful to deal with, you are running. Cry to ease the hurt. There is nothing wrong with crying. Laughter eases pain and so does crying. Find ways to ease the pain and then tackle the wound. Face the issues that bother. Was it a failure? Was it feeling worthless? Answer those questions in a creative way and find solutions. When you feel hurt, what must you do? When you feel worthless, what method helps you to achieve that makes you see your worth? If you feel like a failure, remind yourself that learning from mistakes erases that failure.
Stop sitting empty-handed
Keeping your mind empty is a foolproof way to feel nothing. Doing nothing about the situation is still like doing something negative. Feeling numb or not fixing the situation and letting yourself just do nothing, doesn’t work
No appreciation about life.
You are not a failure. Stop letting yourself do that. You won’t do that to your own friends. There are so many things about you that are special and wonderful and you cannot depend on someone else for your life’s decision. Even if that includes how you feel about yourself. Appreciate what you have and try to make it excellent. Understand that you can make the next day however you want it to be. If you want to be a traveler, you actually can sell everything and go on trips. Stop thinking that you cannot be what you see on Instagram or what you think he or she likes. Stop appreciating other bodies and souls when you have something amazing in front of you. People can change. So can you. You can change your predicament. You can be what you see on that Instagram feeds or be something entirely new. Appreciate what you have first.
Stop procrastinating your life goals
When problems come into your life, it is so easy to forget to deal with them. You think so quickly about what you need to achieve but then you realize you aren’t actually going after your dreams either. If you’re a writer, then why aren’t you writing? That’s when the self-pity cycle starts again. I’m hurting so I cannot write. Why am I hurting when I should be moving on? Why are you complaining when you have so much to do? Why are you a writer if you don’t write? This shit is crap because you haven’t dealt with the hurt. I’m hurting, leave me alone. All that noise does is stop you. It is telling you right there to stop avoiding that wound. Cry about it if you want to. Cry and say fuck you to everyone or everything if that is what you need or feel. Deal with the hurt. Process it through creative outlets. Because you really have two choices: acceptance or change the situation.
I have found through my writing that painful subjects are hard to tear through. Writing them down meant to actually deal with hurt. It felt like complaining to me. But I realized that you have a choice to listen to me. And that expressing my emotional need shouldn’t feel like cumbersome to me because I am thinking about what people think.
I tell my therapist sorry for crying. I tell people sorry for sharing my life and my pain when they ask and are there for me. I overly show gratitude to those who are being friends because I am actually surprised that they want to hear my pain.
It is an internalizing method that I have not gotten over because I keep attracting externalizing people who use me for emotional reasons.
I’ve realized a lot over the past few months and I realized that there is no reason to blame anyone. Just put your head down and do your work.
It sucks really when no one notices the work. When other people seem like they have everything together but truthfully, they also have thier issues.
It sucks when their followers praise them but you get nothing from it.
I kept feeling horrible for mistakes I’ve made. And then choosing emotionally unavailable people. Or feeling bad about my depression when I shared it.
“No one wants to hear about depression.”
However, the truth is when people care, they show it. When people want you in their life, they work hard to make sure you are there. And when they want to know your grievances, they actually ask questions and not avoid your eye.
I’ve learned in 2017 to stop trying for people who obviously do not want to try for you. When your instincts are telling you that you are doing most of the work, as usual, leave. Walk away. There is no more point when they would only tell you what is wrong with you anyway instead of truly assessing how you have been inconvenienced.
2017: Trying too hard for people.
2018 is a new year but it is not the end of everything you feel. See it as a continued growing year where there is no fresh cleanse but just you hustling up a hill and knowing that there may be hills after this one.
Self-care and growth is a lifetime process and I plan to be better every time. I want to try harder and I know when the new year comes, a new Meghan is not what I should expect but instead, I see myself as a learning experience. Not to hate myself for my mistakes, or not pay attention to open wounds but actively work towards success.
2018 won’t solve your problems. Saying goodbye to 2017 won’t erase them. You can only learn from your mistakes if you want to achieve success.
And that word, success. That is defined by you and only you.